I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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