I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize