my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
