Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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