none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
