it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
