i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
