Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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