some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
