so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Of course I have a pirate flag
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
