Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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