I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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