exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
