you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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