Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize