It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think im going to throw up on grandma
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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