Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize