I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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