i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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