today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize