This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
