Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
