there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
