i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize