If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
