But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
