Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
