we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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