2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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