Pregnant stripper...not hot.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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