You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
