This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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