I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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