look no pants
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
