Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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