he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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