she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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