Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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