I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i think my mom watched the whole time
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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