Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
