I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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