we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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