dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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