well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
