More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A+ Viking dick
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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