the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
