I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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