I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
