I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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