happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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