Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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