Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize