My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize