Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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