my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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