So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The beer is more important than you right now.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
