I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize