Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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