i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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