I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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