i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
do herpes really smell.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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