I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
