Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
