i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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