wrigley field is MILF paradise
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
