Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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