so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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