how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize