No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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