The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
A+ Viking dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
