How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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