What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Come on in and take your pants off
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