i just identified you from a description of your pipe
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
