He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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