I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
