He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize