I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
