Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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