The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
