i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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