hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
