no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Let's get the cat blown out
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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