No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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