I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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