i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
