you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
