worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
