DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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