so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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