I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
