Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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