And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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