I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
