the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Even my vagina gasped.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
