you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
