i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize