My underwear smells like fireworks.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
