she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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