i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
