Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize