I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize