Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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