I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
