The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
