Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
