he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
